What all I didn't learn from my mum, open letter

What all I didn't learn from my mum because I was always thinking that I have enough time. I was aware of the limited time in our life but this really hit me. I am dealing everyday with the pain what all I wanted to learn or to ask my mum. I never wasted the time with her, but only now I realized what I really wanted to ask.

For the picture I will never make

1. Yesterday I have been trying to repair some bed clothes and I have used my almost unused sewing machine. It was really bad. I needed to repair simple hole, generally simply broken. Wish I have listened to my mum more. I was always thinking that there is a time or I won't need to learn it. But this was almost crying to be repaired. I am actually doing lot of things which I would never thought I would even try. 
2. Her Apple strudel. She has just the most amazing apple strudel on the world. The real one. Not any cheap pastry, but real home made pulled pastry. It was always so delicious and well balanced, the caramelized apples inside. It was like mana. My brother has learned it from her. I have never learn it. Even I really love baking I felt that this was far behind my skills. I was just helping and admiring. Any time we had celebration she has made it. It belonged to every Christmas, every birthday celebration, it was the most welcome gift, every christening or wedding, just anything special.
3. Charity or rather incredibly open heart. I am not sure how to say it, but I think that she has given her heart to what she has believed, absolutely till the end. She wanted to help. She got so many prizes, people even didn't know. I never learned how to really help. I have to find my own practical way.
4. I will never be able to discuss troubles with my kids, I will never be able to ask for an advice. I won't be able to celebrate any more birthdays or Christmas. She was always reminding me about important dates which I have never written down. I was just dependent on her.
5. I will never be able to take a great photo of her that I can use on my table. It was very hard to find any suitable one. Because I just had her here or there. I didn't realize that it would be so important before. I had pictures but not that I want now. 

 I would be able to continue but this quickly represents what I have right now in my head. I could only tell to everybody, take a photo of yourself for your kids, take a beautiful photo of your parents. Listen to your parents, be with them. Of course, we had a beautiful relationship with my mum, but I am living in different country than she was. I had the feeling that I would like to move back and I will never forgive myself that I wasn't strong enough. I knew it, that I have to do it. However now, I am here. It doesn't matter where I am right now. I feel I do not belong anywhere.  

I wish you meaningful weekend :-)!