I have read many times that the grief is not linear process and can last for many years, even decades, meaning forever. I can only agree.
First I am coming back to certain things, as it would be yesterday since my mum passed away. I feel the moment of my heart squeezed and emptiness of the moment when I got the call. I can see how I am going back and forth without any clear direction.
What I have really learned that I am not a kid anymore. I am an adult by myself, the oldest lady in the family and the next in the order to die. It is not a bad joke or sentimental thought. I have nobody to come and put my head to the lap. I am the one to whom people should come to put their head. And that is ok. That is the way how it should be. No matter whether it was too early or correct. Those things are not ok in any time. And do not feel ashamed for any of your feelings. Sometimes you realize what you had when you lost it. And I am so happy to have such a mum in my life, to raise me. I have learned a lot. I know that I learn more, but that is also a lesson. I know what I want my daughter will learn from me. My mum will be always in my dreams and my heart. She will be always with me and every decision I make is with thoughts what she will do, what she will tell me, what she will do and that she would be proud on me. And I know, that she is proud of me, whatever it looks like. I am a warrior, I am a fighter. I do not give up.
Have a nice day!! Have a nice week!!
First I am coming back to certain things, as it would be yesterday since my mum passed away. I feel the moment of my heart squeezed and emptiness of the moment when I got the call. I can see how I am going back and forth without any clear direction.
What I have really learned that I am not a kid anymore. I am an adult by myself, the oldest lady in the family and the next in the order to die. It is not a bad joke or sentimental thought. I have nobody to come and put my head to the lap. I am the one to whom people should come to put their head. And that is ok. That is the way how it should be. No matter whether it was too early or correct. Those things are not ok in any time. And do not feel ashamed for any of your feelings. Sometimes you realize what you had when you lost it. And I am so happy to have such a mum in my life, to raise me. I have learned a lot. I know that I learn more, but that is also a lesson. I know what I want my daughter will learn from me. My mum will be always in my dreams and my heart. She will be always with me and every decision I make is with thoughts what she will do, what she will tell me, what she will do and that she would be proud on me. And I know, that she is proud of me, whatever it looks like. I am a warrior, I am a fighter. I do not give up.
Have a nice day!! Have a nice week!!
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