As I was writing in Pain #1, I was really in pain. Unfortunately, by the evening I was shaking from the pain, I was terribly exhausted and freezing, my heart was pulling out of my body, I had whole body cramps, I had unusually sharp headache. I was really scared. I was alone with kids at home. I promised to myself and on behalf of my kids that I will try to unload some stuff that I am not going to leave them here alone.
As a very first thing, I decided not to go the next day to my daughter's practise, because that particular practise is tough one. It is quite far away, about one hour by bus and metro, and the practises take almost 2 hours in the ice hall, while my younger one is bored there. It is usually already dark in the evening, so not very funny to go out with her either.
But the problem was that my older daughter was so disappointed about not going to skate. I felt horribly already before. Actually I felt pretty guilty for not going there. I felt lazy. But anyway I know that it was a correct decision.
Why do usually mothers feel guilty for anything?
First I felt guilty that I am too tired and not able to stay awake the whole night and day to cuddle my babies every minute of their life. Then I started to feel guilty that I do not play enough with them, or they watch far too much TV. I feel guilty when they go to daycare, or I am loosing control and shouting. I feel guilty for my older one when I do not go to practises but I feel guilty for my younger one when going there as well. I feel guilty for being guilty or not even being guilty. I am totally trapped in guilt. Is there any hope? :-)
Mother's guilt. It is quite popular topic. We are getting scared that something gets wrong with our kids all the time. I am on the wave of black case scenario all the time.
There are positive reasons or uses of Guilt:
As a very first thing, I decided not to go the next day to my daughter's practise, because that particular practise is tough one. It is quite far away, about one hour by bus and metro, and the practises take almost 2 hours in the ice hall, while my younger one is bored there. It is usually already dark in the evening, so not very funny to go out with her either.
But the problem was that my older daughter was so disappointed about not going to skate. I felt horribly already before. Actually I felt pretty guilty for not going there. I felt lazy. But anyway I know that it was a correct decision.
Why do usually mothers feel guilty for anything?
First I felt guilty that I am too tired and not able to stay awake the whole night and day to cuddle my babies every minute of their life. Then I started to feel guilty that I do not play enough with them, or they watch far too much TV. I feel guilty when they go to daycare, or I am loosing control and shouting. I feel guilty for my older one when I do not go to practises but I feel guilty for my younger one when going there as well. I feel guilty for being guilty or not even being guilty. I am totally trapped in guilt. Is there any hope? :-)
Mother's guilt. It is quite popular topic. We are getting scared that something gets wrong with our kids all the time. I am on the wave of black case scenario all the time.
There are positive reasons or uses of Guilt:
- First you pay better attention to what you are actually doing. You become more careful and more responsible.
- You think more about your parenting and what to do better for your children.
- We can use it as an engine, as a motivation to do things better.
But there are negative reasons or uses of Guilt:
- Guilt can be used as a manipulating issue. To make the second person feeling guilty to be dependent on someone, or may be to feel better person than other, or to hide or substitute our own mistakes.
- Guilt can be a way how to punish ourselves. We believe we are bad mothers and that's the way how to punish ourselves, we have to suffer.
I think that guilt could be very useful but sometimes I feel pretty overpowered by the feelings. It is pulling me down. It would be nice to talk about our fears and problems more openly. We can help each other, that we are not alone. It is hard to confess that I am doing mistakes but I try my best. And I am trying to learn from every moment with my kids. It is my life challenge. And it would be nice to share it with other parents.
Have a nice day!!
Comments
Post a Comment