Life is unpredictable. One year ago I wouldn't say I will be sitting here, in Pori. Three years ago I wouldn't say I will be here, maybe even in Finland anymore. Right now, I do not care where I am. I really miss Helsinki a lot. I had my friends there, I knew the places around to walk, I had my favourite spots to drink a coffee. But I am here, with my kids.
The last two months felt more like a rollercoaster. Up and down, pretty quickly. This time I didn't plan anything, because I didn't want to look ahead. I was too scared. And I knew that I cannot think about what is coming when actually I didn't have any idea. Although I am not sure if it is over. I have visited an emergency here, my older one started her school, my pain spread and intensified. And many things which I hoped for doesn't work.
However, there is still but and chance for tomorrow :-).
Yesterday, I have decided to buy a work table for which I couldn't decide for a very long time. So, right now I have my real work table at home. I have finally my own place where I can have my laptop and do my small craft. That is really crazy. One should be positive. It is easy to sit and cry. I do not want to whine. The things are the way how they should be. I guess. But the building process wasn't that easy this time. The easier is the instruction to build the table, the more probable is that I will make a mistake. Today I have proved myself I should change the hair color or what. Two times I was able to repeat the same mistake. The instruction consisted generally only of two steps, to attach the legs and to stabilize them. Never mind. My table is here, and I like it. This was also one of the steps I needed to do, to feel more like at home here.
I just don't know what it really means home. Home where I feel safe, where is my bed? Where I am living with kids? I am not sure about feeling safe, but let's say that I mean I can close the door and no stranger would come here. But this would apply for all kind of different places.
The last two months felt more like a rollercoaster. Up and down, pretty quickly. This time I didn't plan anything, because I didn't want to look ahead. I was too scared. And I knew that I cannot think about what is coming when actually I didn't have any idea. Although I am not sure if it is over. I have visited an emergency here, my older one started her school, my pain spread and intensified. And many things which I hoped for doesn't work.
However, there is still but and chance for tomorrow :-).
Yesterday, I have decided to buy a work table for which I couldn't decide for a very long time. So, right now I have my real work table at home. I have finally my own place where I can have my laptop and do my small craft. That is really crazy. One should be positive. It is easy to sit and cry. I do not want to whine. The things are the way how they should be. I guess. But the building process wasn't that easy this time. The easier is the instruction to build the table, the more probable is that I will make a mistake. Today I have proved myself I should change the hair color or what. Two times I was able to repeat the same mistake. The instruction consisted generally only of two steps, to attach the legs and to stabilize them. Never mind. My table is here, and I like it. This was also one of the steps I needed to do, to feel more like at home here.
I just don't know what it really means home. Home where I feel safe, where is my bed? Where I am living with kids? I am not sure about feeling safe, but let's say that I mean I can close the door and no stranger would come here. But this would apply for all kind of different places.
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| My life |
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