Daily in hopsital, so rush time, more real time

I have to write about my recent treatment. I was a bit silent. Not that I wouldn't have what to say :-). I have always a lot to say. Many times I do not have energy, or energy to argue or just time. I do not have neither of that right now. 

When you became sick at some point you have to undergo therapy which you fully do not understand. From one source you get information how great it is and not side effects are coming. On the other hand I have heard that it is kind of modern type of placebo. Well, I really do not have chance. If I say no, it could be also taken that I do not want to collaborate to get well, or better. I am not really prepared to write what exactly I am undergoing, but partly it is not so nice and also it takes quite a lot of time. I do not have any spare time, since it is daily in the hospital and rest of the time I spend as a taxi driver and taking care of bored wild toddler. I am becoming slightly tired. That is really weak what I have said right now. I am extremely tired and I will need to repeat it at least once per year again and again. 

I had a brake now. I couldn't write for a while. I was just too exhausted. 

Sometimes it is a time that you have to stop. Being in complete rush could be so stressful and suddenly you stop look around. I didn't realize how sunny it could be. I went to cafe and bought a cup of coffee. I sat. Unplanned and here I am. In the middle of nowhere and rush. I need a break. To take a breath. And enjoy the minute or two. Things can wait. Sometimes I can be late and not to worry about the world so much. Now, I am back and I feel lost. What to do first, what I really need to do, what can wait. And partly I miss the time in the hospital. Even it was not comfortable and I was in rush all the time, it made me calm, it gave me reason to get up everyday. I felt sense. But on the other hand, I am realizing the life around me. You know you can be deeply in crap and not realizing it. Don't worry. Just get up. We all have those days, we have good friends who gives us hand even the friend does not realize that. I am realizing what I have been doing wrongly and what I have to do better now. For example dealing with the pain. I can deal with the pain much better. I have right now so much pain in my both wrists that everything is falling from hands and I cannot do basic stuff around, but I am not falling over it. It is bad, but it is not my fault and it won't let me down. I take pencils and I try to paint as I was used to. It doesn't work, but it made me happy. I do not worry that I cannot paint as before, but may be it will get better or not. I am not going to solve it. I started to write little list of to do. But a bit differently. What I want to change in my life. What I really want for me, my kids, my family, my friends, or just people around me. Have a good time even it is getting so dark and cold and wet and windy and whatever :-).