I am sick of being sick. Everybody knows that feeling, but being really sick which is not visibly, especially when you are trying to pretend that everything is completely ok, is really bad. Sometimes I try to pretend because I try to forget for a while myself. You pretend until you take the role as it is. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
First I wanted to show my first result, what I have made. I love stones. I loved to climb, easy rocky climbing. But I do not have time for that anymore, and I do not have anyone to go with me and being patient with me. But I am actually at least collecting them and I decided I will to paint some of them as well.
I have decided to paint some of them, but I had to learn how the color works and what is the best color for me.
But everything takes so much energy. It is incredible what I am happy now. I have lowered my levels to really minimal values. I am happy when I put something into correct place or I made some family picture and put it on the wall. I am happy when we come back from the practise and we didn't loose anything on the way and I am still having my head on my neck and two kids with me :-D. Ok, jokes are part of the therapy. I love black humour. And also I love my coffee. Good coffee makes my day. Without coffee do not even talk to me :-D. My husband can tell :-D.
Being sick is tricky. I am still thinking how to explain to my kids that sometimes we just cannot do everything what others are doing. I feel that my older daughter think that being sick means lazy. That what I feel from everyone around me. I am not lazy. I love to work. And I would love to come back to work. I was rather overactive all my life. I was studying hard to get anywhere. I do not want to speak about particular steps in my life, but some of them were not easy. Some people told me that I am extremely ambitious, not in very nice way, or I am just like too stubborn. None was true. I just wanted to make my mum proud of me or I wanted to get out of certain environment. Also once I have been told that when I loose I will come back anyway. And that was heart braking. Before I have even tried I was told I will loose. I heard it twice in my life. And I am just feeling that they are true right now. I failed.
Do not let others to put you down!! Everyone is amazing person!!
First I wanted to show my first result, what I have made. I love stones. I loved to climb, easy rocky climbing. But I do not have time for that anymore, and I do not have anyone to go with me and being patient with me. But I am actually at least collecting them and I decided I will to paint some of them as well.
But everything takes so much energy. It is incredible what I am happy now. I have lowered my levels to really minimal values. I am happy when I put something into correct place or I made some family picture and put it on the wall. I am happy when we come back from the practise and we didn't loose anything on the way and I am still having my head on my neck and two kids with me :-D. Ok, jokes are part of the therapy. I love black humour. And also I love my coffee. Good coffee makes my day. Without coffee do not even talk to me :-D. My husband can tell :-D.
Being sick is tricky. I am still thinking how to explain to my kids that sometimes we just cannot do everything what others are doing. I feel that my older daughter think that being sick means lazy. That what I feel from everyone around me. I am not lazy. I love to work. And I would love to come back to work. I was rather overactive all my life. I was studying hard to get anywhere. I do not want to speak about particular steps in my life, but some of them were not easy. Some people told me that I am extremely ambitious, not in very nice way, or I am just like too stubborn. None was true. I just wanted to make my mum proud of me or I wanted to get out of certain environment. Also once I have been told that when I loose I will come back anyway. And that was heart braking. Before I have even tried I was told I will loose. I heard it twice in my life. And I am just feeling that they are true right now. I failed.
Do not let others to put you down!! Everyone is amazing person!!
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