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Posted by Kaataa on April 25, 2018

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Just too tired to move, to exist ... I just wanted to wish a nice day!!

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Small reflection to my grief

I have read many times that the grief is not linear process and can last for many years, even decades, meaning forever. I can only agree. First I am coming back to certain things, as it would be yesterday since my mum passed away. I feel the moment of my heart squeezed and emptiness of the moment when I got the call. I can see how I am going back and forth without any clear direction. What I have really learned that I am not a kid anymore. I am an adult by myself, the oldest lady in the family and the next in the order to die. It is not a bad joke or sentimental thought. I have nobody to come and put my head to the lap. I am the one to whom people should come to put their head. And that is ok. That is the way how it should be. No matter whether it was too early or correct. Those things are not ok in any time. And do not feel ashamed for any of your feelings. Sometimes you realize what you had when you lost it. And I am so happy to have such a mum in my life, to raise me. I have lea...

When you feel like a looser

It has been a very long time, since I wrote last time. And nothing has changes. Or things got even more deeper. But, lets be positive. 💜 I feel like the biggest looser on the world. Even I am trying to remind myself what I am doing well, what I am good in, still the world is counted by your materialistic results. Money, or popularity. Whatever you call it. I clearly failed in everything. I was so ambitious and how I ended up. I was working so hard on my education and to get where I was. Everything disappeared so quickly. Being sick, not visibly is not acceptable. It doesn't matter that you didn't choose it, that you didn't make anything wrong. This is clearly due to some genes which were trigger by certain conditions. But I have to be fair. I have found secrets which I would never found without that. Unfortunately most of the days, I am rather doubtful about that. Most of the days I am hearing the monster telling me that I am only trying to tell myself lies and excuses. ...

Neonatal and Pediatric Lupus

Let's go deeper into the problem. Children seems to suffer more widely than adults. Also one problem is duet to so many changes in their bodies, their growing and the imunne system is still developing. How can we help them? Purple candle for May as a Lupus awareness month!! Neonatal (NLE) and Pediatric Lupus (pSLE) can be divide into several categorizes or types: cutaneous lupus (LE), Bullous Lupus (BSLE) of children and adolescents. This seems to be quite huge and complicated topic. If I have been lost in terms before this is completely different level now. Children with lupus may have hematologic abnormalities. Patients with imunne disease in the kidneys may have nephritis or nephrotic syndrome. Also patients may experience neurological problems, from psychosis to cognitive disorders. Do not forget on pulmonary diseases and cardiac diseases. No organ is safe. As NLE usually manifests as non scarring, non atrophy producing lesions similar to cutaneous Lupus (LE),...

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